“In the middle of the night I open my eyes and turn on the lights, draw my knees up to my chest and stare at the ceiling, thinking, “is this all? Is this what I’ve been waiting for? What I’ve been fighting for?” And for a moment it all seems so pointless. Me and you and the distance between us, the job I applied for out of necessity, not out of passion, the way I’m wasting away here in a house that’s never felt like home, with the blue light of the TV drowning out my thoughts. Lately these doubts have been creeping up on me more often and while I should be keeping my eyes on the road ahead, I’m busy staring down the roads I did not take. Did I make the right decisions? In staying, in leaving, in leaving you behind? In pretending I did not care, did not know, did not see? I’m just wondering: if I’d done one thing differently, where would I be now? Someplace far away with someone I never met because I prevented our paths from crossing? I stare at the ceiling and think about how the universe is so ridiculously big and we are so so small and yet every single decision we make seems monumental. It scares me, yes. But it also brings me some sense of relief. Because if there are some things I want to change, I just have to get out of bed in the morning and do it. Be brave. Be open. And forget about the roads I did not take - I decided against them for a reason, even if I can’t recall it right now. So I turn off the lights and dream of better times. Of you. And of me. And of all the roads there are still to take.”— the roads not taken / n.j.
“Love the life you live and live the life you love.”— Bob Marley
